If you have been cheated-on it is normal to wonder why. It is perfectly natural to wonder ‘why do men cheat’ or ‘why do women cheat’ and for many other questions to go through the mind, probably along with quite a few aggressive, angry phrases and words that would need to be censored. Something like this perhaps? “You s$£@id f&$(£*$&£ £*&$&$^@ ?£^^!@!!!”
There is nothing wrong with having questions, but having unanswered questions can be agonising and can last for years, playing on the back of our minds and driving us crazy. There is a strong likelihood that you will never know the real reason why. We can only speculate. So, here goes.
In my experience, it is just as common for women to cheat as it is for men. Whatever the comparative figures, we can be sure that it is not a gender-exclusive problem.
Why would any PERSON cheat on their partner?
Everybody who cheats on their partner has their own individual reasons. We cannot know for sure why, but we can try to work out a few possible reasons.
For some, it might be boredom. I have witnessed this quite a few times. Imagine living in a country where the people generally live many people to a household, with several salaries contributing to the living costs. A foreign man visits the country and falls in love with a beautiful girl. He wants to take care of her so asks her to leave her job and asks her to move into a modern condominium building to live with him. Life is bliss. Right up until the point when he flies back home and leaves her alone in an empty room with no job and a fistful of currency to entertain herself with. At first it is ok, fun even, but the loneliness and boredom slowly takes its hold.
Another reason could be chemistry. We all connect with people in different ways and are attracted to different people for different reasons. A direct consequence of that is that we therefore cannot connect with one single person in every way possible – you can’t love somebody for being safe and secure and also be excited by their sense of adventure, because adventurous people aren’t safe and secure! So, it is possible that a man or woman may be attracted to somebody new for a reason entirely different to the one that attracted them to their existing partner.
Instead of chemistry, how about raw lust? Alcohol can also help as can other states of mind. The chemical cycles of men and women is quite different. Where a woman has a four week cycle of being ready to make babies, a man is generally always ready. It is sad if this is a cause, but it could simply be down to hormones and timing.
Most people should really be able to overcome boredom, chemistry or hormones, without being combined with at least one of the next two things.
That leads me to the penultimate reason and the easiest one to explain… some people cheat or hurt others because they are just not nice people.
Finally, what I believe is the most common reason for both men and women; emotions. I believe that in order for a person to actually cheat, there is something fundamentally missing in their relationship, usually something missing emotionally. I think this is true for both men and women. It might be that they feel ignored, or that they feel their partner does not stimulate them intellectually or does not appreciate them fully, and then they start looking elsewhere or to at least be tempted elsewhere and that can often be the beginning.
Do you have any views on why men and why women cheat?
Please add your thoughts below in the comments.